Pregnancy and COVID-19

This was 100% NOT part of anyone's birth plan.

Remember when we all thought 2019 was the worse year ever? Now we got 2020 over here like, “Girl, hold my beer. My Corona to be exact." While I can’t take credit for that witty line I do feel it wholeheartedly.

On Sunday night I looked my husband in the eye and said, “Babe. I am honestly not sure I am mentally tough enough for this.” For me to make that kind of proclamation is a big deal. I pride myself on being strong, but also on being self-aware enough to know my mental limits. But this right here....this being pregnant in the middle of a pandemic. This is something I never could have prepared for and that is what’s breaking me. 

I want to give a shout out to all the pregnant mamas out there, especially the ones who already have littles at home. Right now we’re are 1) Working from home, 2) Keeping our littles at home while maintaining some sort of education, 3) growing a human, and 4) not leaving our houses. As my mother-in-law put it, COVID-19 is piling more onto an already piled on pile! Now I don’t want to make it sound like I think I have it worse than those losing jobs or healthcare workers on the frontline. I think right now there is enough stuff rolling downhill that we can all share equally in its awfulness. There’s no need to one-up anyone here. But what I do want to do is give fellow pregnant mamas permission to admit that this right now, is really freaking hard! 

I had my usual weekly therapy session via FaceTime last week and I explained to my therapist that I feel like between Corona and being pregnant I've been stripped of everything that makes me, me. All the things I would normally do to help manage my anxiety have all been knocked out by either Corona or being pregnant. No wine, no long runs or tough workouts, no catching up with a friend in person, no going to Target to spend money on things I didn’t know I needed. I can’t draft a plan or set a goal to get out of this. I am just floating day-by-day. 

In fact, I’m so tired from growing a human, working and keeping another tiny human alive that by the end of the day I am simply spent. So I go to bed early, wake up and repeat the cycle. There is minimal time for self-care unless you count locking the bathroom door to pee in peace. There is minimal time to do something for just me. Not just pregnant me, but for me as a person. So no, Karen, I'm not deep cleaning my house or sorting my spices. I don't even have a nursery completed yet.

Pregnant women, we’re doing three full-time jobs all at the same time with no known endpoint in sight. We’re at the mercy of our bodies and society, while also hoping desperately that we’re making the right choices for not only the human we’re growing but our families as well. It is a lot for even the most mentally healthy person and let’s be honest, I ain’t her! 

I see you, pregnant mamas! I see the monumental effort it is taking to keep your cool for your family. I feel the fear of the unknown in your heart. I see the rage on your face when your partner has a glass of wine (hahaha). I see you. I see you. I see you! This is hard, but you are harder.

HOWEVER - I want to remind you to allow yourself the space to come apart and feel your feelings. That doesn’t make you less strong. It makes you human. 

Xoxoxxx,

Rashida