Return of the Mack
I'm returning from my unintended blogging hiatus. I just had a long overdue catch up happy hour with some of my girlfriends where we go around the table and say what’s new with us. Ya’ll. My October was…hmmmm a lot. A lot is the only way I can think to describe it. The highs were extremely high and the lows were extremely low. In fact, I still feel like I’m clawing my way back from October and I wasn’t even its worse victim.
SO what have I been up to?
I turned 30! This was a good thing. I was ready for 30. I like 30. I like the way it sounds. I like that it’s both mature and young. I like that no matter what Ben will always be 4 years older than me. Saying I’m 30 feels like I finally got some street cred. People might finally stop discounting me as “young”. The thing is when you lose a parent as young as I did, you’re forced to grow up fast. In my mind I’m like 45. I’ve been paying bills for well over a decade. I know what it’s like to not be able to pay a bill and not have a safety net to fall back on. When people say, “Oh you’re just so young. You have so much to learn about life,” it makes me want to throat punch them.
I quit a job in which I didn’t feel valued. Sounds like a super millennial thing to do, but TBH, I DGAF. (Handclap emoji) Millennials are here and no amount of complaining you do will allow us to Benjamin Button our way backward out of the workforce. With the support of my husband, I quit and took what I hoped would be some much needed mental time off. My plan was to work on the blog and a side hustle more intently, but of course things never go as planned.
My best friend lost someone significant to her. It’s not my story to tell, so out of respect for her that’s all I’ll say. But watching her begin a grief journey I started a long time ago has me feeling almost lost. Her grief is different from mine. In a lot of ways it feels heavier. I had long accepted that I would be the one to carry the grief torch for my close friends. I thought by law of averages this kind of sadness could only be felt by one friend per group and that I had already taken that bullet for the team. I know that’s a stupid thought. But...I don’t know. It’s how I felt. All of this has me reevaluating my own losses over the years, which heading into the holidays can make for some pretty deep longing.
In the middle of all the emotions I’ve already mentioned....on October 16th I peed on a stick and just like that I became a mom of 2. This was actually according to Ben and I’s plan. I wanted to have my 30th birthday to drink whatever I wanted and then get pregnant with Baby #2. So then why have my emotions been less than excited over the past few weeks. All of the above points + a little thing called morning sickness, which in my case is more like 24/7 sickness. I was hit with morning sickness like I’d never known with Dom. I mean I was sick with Dom….but not THIS sick. I’ve actually throw up this time. To top that off, the constant worrying about being sick and laying in bed caused my good friend Annie Anxiety to move in with me. And you guys know who Annie almost never travels without? Debbie Depression. No one talks about depression DURING pregnancy. We women are supposed to take all the things happening to our bodies whiling growing a human without so much as a complaint. This is what our bodies were made to do, right? Sure. Doesn’t mean it’s enjoyable.
Last but not least….I started a new job that I’m loving so far. Still in marketing. Still on the Account Service side. But a different environment which has so far done my soul some good.
Right now I’m 12 week along with Baby D The Sequel. I’m hoping for some relief soon so that I get pumped about bringing a new little squishy, snuggly, delicious baby into the world (seriously…I am a weirdo who LOVES newborns). My goal is to provide some Bump Dates as I start feeling better.
Happy Holidays to you and yours!
Xoxoxxx,
Rashida