That One Time I said I Didn't Want Kids
Those that know me (aka follow me on Facebook) know that for a while I didn’t want kids. Motherhood just wasn’t in my plan. In my early 20’s a dated a 30-year-old bartender who didn’t want kids and that was kinda that to me. I wanted him and he didn’t want kids so therefore by the rules of transitive property I didn’t want kids. Yep...the sex was THAT great…I guess? 🤦🏾♀️
So before I dive into how motherhood has changed me and yada yada yada I do want to point out that I did and still do believe that a woman is not defined by her 1) ability to have kids and 2) decision to have kids or not. I believe you can have a very full life without kids and it’s that belief that made me not want them. In the first 4 years of Ben and I's relationship we lived, what I considered to be, a really great life. We traveled when we wanted to. We ate at new restaurants the weekend they opened. We slept, we got drunk, we binged watched. We ran, we volunteered, we brunched for 5 hours on a Sunday. I was happy. In fact I was the happiest I’d ever been since losing my mom. So in my mind I thought, “Why rock the boat?!” I had spent so much time in therapy working on myself and learning to love this life I have that I figured adding a kid to the mix would actually change my life for the worst. Now one could probably argue that maybe I didn’t want kids since I lost my mom so early on and that may be the case. I don’t know. I haven’t worked that one out in therapy yet.
Here’s the problem. Ben DID NOT feel the same. He made it perfectly clear early on that he wanted to be a dad. We fought about it several times over the years and in 2017 he wore my ass down just enough to go off my birth control. I would say by this point I was ambivalent toward the idea, and honestly I remained that way up until my 2nd trimester (Hi. Yes, thanks, “morning sickness”)
Fast forward to December 8, 2017 at 12:32pm when my world turned upside down! My doctors pulled the most perfect baby boy from my nether regions, placed him on my chest and that. was. it. I was undone. I fell in a deep and all consuming love with the slimy alien I’d just made. And that love continues to grow more and more everyday.
I have sank wholeheartedly into this new title I added to my resume. Motherhood suits me. I was made for it. I love the chaos of it. I love watching Dom grow and learn. I’m tired AF all the time and my body will never ever be the same, but to me it was and is worth it.
So here are some quick facts about my views on motherhood since I’ve become a mom.
Motherhood doesn’t have to change you if you don’t want it to. It doesn’t have to be your whole identity. It’s not mine. I can name 10 other things that make up who I am. I’m more than a mom. We all are. Even stay-at-home-moms are more than moms.
You can still have a badass career if you want to. Sure it requires some sacrifices here and there, but if this is what you want, go for it. I mean really go for it!
Wanting time away from you baby doesn’t make you a bad mom. I love Dom with every inch of me, but that doesn’t mean I’m trying to hang out with him 24/7. Also I’m not sure he even wants to hang out with me 24/7 either, so the feeling is mutual.
Mom friends and non mom friends are EQUALLY important. In fact I think I’m going to do a whole post on this soon.
Again MOTHERHOOD DOES NOT DEFINE YOU AS A WOMAN! If you don’t want kids, that’s fine too! Want them later in life? That’s cool too! You. Do. You!
Enjoy your week, friends!
xoxoxxx
Rashida